The following is an almost word by word transcript of a phone conversation I had not long ago. It has nothing to do with EMS, ambulances or anything such like, except for the fact that the conversation took place when I was woken up by the phone ringing less than an hour after going to bed after a night shift.
It was a conversation between ColdCaller (CC) and a slightly disgruntled, but surprisingly ever calm InsomniacMedic (IM). For the purposes of this conversation, IM lives at 123 High Street, Neartown, Z99 9ZZ.
*RING RING* *RING RING*
IM: Unintelligible... "Hello?"
CC: Overseas call pause and click... "Is this Mr IM?"
IM: "Who's this?"
CC: "This is Bill from PPI International. I'm calling you to help save you money."
IM: "Whatever you're selling, I'm not buying."
CC: "I'm not selling anything sir. I'm offering you a service."
IM: "And what service might that be?"
CC: "Like I said, I'm calling to help you save money, by claiming back payments on a loan that you shouldn't have made."
IM: "Which loan would that be?"
CC: "You know the one, the loan you took out some time ago."
IM: "Hedging your bets there, aren't you?"
CC: "I'm sorry, I don't understand."
IM: "Never mind. Can you tell me the name of your company again please and where you're based?"
CC: "PPI International, and our headquarters are in Karachi."
IM: "And you're not selling anything, just offering a service, right?"
IM: "Is this a free service?"
CC: "Well, no, it is not free, we charge a fee."
IM: "So you are selling something then?"
CC: "It is not selling, it is providing a service for a fee."
IM: "Right. OK then. And who's the CEO of your company?"
CC: "Why do you ask?"
IM: "I like to know about any company which randomly calls and offers to help me. I just want to do some research and make sure that you are who you say you are."
CC: "The CEO is Mr Khan."
IM: "You say that your HQ is in Karachi. Where exactly is your office?"
CC: "You want to know where my office is?"
IM: "Exactly. Where do you go every day to make these phone calls?"
CC: "I'm not sure of the exact address."
IM: "You don't know where you go to work every day?"
CC: "I know where I go, I just don't know the address."
IM: "I'll ask you one more time, and if you can't answer the question, I'm hanging up. Where do you go to work every day?"
CC: Short pause. "OK, I don't normally give out my work address, but it is 123 High Street, Neartown."
IM: "Pardon? Can you repeat that? And tell me the postcode too please."
CC: "My work address is 123 High Street, Neartown, Z99 9ZZ."
IM: "You're sure? That's your work address? That's where you start and finish every working day?"
CC: "Yes, that's right."
IM: "Well then, how do you like your coffee???"
CC: "Umm... Err..." Click, Beeeep
Moral of the story? Never, never, wake up an already sleep-deprived insomniac.