Tuesday, 3 May 2011


This is an open letter to the driver of the car behind me earlier this morning: Stand by for a rant.

Dear Driver of the BMW X5 that was behind me in traffic,

I hope you read this - I gather I owe you an apology.

I'm sorry I stopped in front of you at an inconvenient moment.

I'm sorry I blocked your lane, (even though the other one was clear).

I'm sorry I stopped to help the elderly gent who fell right in front of us.

I'm sorry I took a few minutes to help him and make sure he was OK.

I'm sorry you may have been a little late to your coffee morning or other meaningless task.

But if I ever see you, your car, or the horn you beeped at me repeatedly,

You selfish, arrogant, ignorant, rude and insensitive person,

I may not be responsible for my actions.

Oh, and as for your apology, I shan't hold my breath.


Dovid L said...

Dear Sir,

I am sorry, but I was in a rush: my golf partner hates it when I am late.

Please do forgive me,


Deborah said...

late to cash his bonus cheque no doubt!

Joe said...

I do feel your frustration. It's a shame that there isn't an attitude test as part of the driving test!

Do remember in future that BMWs (X5s in particular) have numerous faults:
The speedometers don't work which leads to speeding, the gears don't work leading to rolling back on hillstarts, the horn as you well know is defective and regularly sounds without doing anything, the indicators don't work, the proximity detector is faulty leading to tailgating, they can't cope with corners, and finally they turn people sat between the wheel and the seat into even bigger twats.

Cupid Stunt said...

I am an important man, don't you know.
Everything I do is important, everything I say is important and every trip I make is important.

You stopped in front of me with no regard to how important I am and how important my trip was. You ignored my important, incessant, beeping on my important horn and all for a silly old man, of no importance, who had an unimportant fall.

That is as much of an appoligy as you will ever get.

Anonymous said...

We all know that BMW drivers own all the roads across the world, and it is everyone else's job to make sure that they are never inconvenienced or slowed down in any way, shape, or form, by us lowly idiots who have not yet seen the light and joined the Beemer Road Owners Club. Shame on you for having the tenacity not only to stop in front of this BMW, but also to ignore his repeated 'requests' for you to move. How dare you!!

meninyellow said...

What's the difference between a cow & a BMW? With a cow the c*^t is on the outside

Anonymous said...

Do what I do, Take longer!

Like the white Audi who speeded up behind me in a 30mph, I did 20 for the rest of the way. Stopped to let people cross and stopped fully at all round abouts. I also took ages to get up to 50 mph once we got onto the dual.

Just think if he hadn't of been speeding in a 30 I wouldnt of took longer.

Fee said...

Always, always, bear in mind that BMW stands for "Break My Windows". Were there no half-bricks lying around? Sheesh.

TOTWTYTR said...

What is it about BMW drivers? Internationally they must be the most obnoxious in the world. Plus, you'd think that a care that costs as much as they do would have directional signals. They must not though, because I don't recall ever seeing them used on a BMW.

It can't be that BMW owners are rude, obnoxious, twits, can it?

Anonymous said...

Joe, you also missed the fact that BMWs suffer from a terrible blindspot, right in the middle of the windscreen...