Thursday, 24 February 2011

Drunken Logic

A man lies on the pavement, missing a tooth and hair matted in blood.

"What happened sir?"

"I fell."

An all too familiar aroma fills the air.

"Have you had a drink tonight?" 

Stupid question, I know.

"Oh, only one or two!"


"No. Bottles."

"Bottles!? of what?"

"Whisky of course."

Of course.

"What's your name, sir?"

"I don't want to tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not drunk."

"Well, what do we tell them at the hospital about your injuries?"

"Tell 'em I tripped over my shoelaces."

"But I still need your name to book you in!"

"No you don't. Just call me Shoelace Man."

"Is that your first name or your surname?"


"In which order?"


"And how do we contact your family to tell them where you are!"

"Call them."

He had the look of a man who'd outwitted his prey.

"I can't call them without knowing your name!"

"Don't worry. My family already know my name."

I give up.


Anonymous said...

It's like talking to your father in law...

Yellow Boy

Mark Coventry said...

I cannot begin to imagine how annoying it must be dealing with Drunks, and whats worse is the Government does not even think theyre is a drink problem? they banned smoking first the irony?????

Not that I smoke, but I drink in moderation at home!

RapidResponseDoc said...

IM, don't dis the mighty penguin, man!! Owning one of the largest collections of penguins, including the fattest penguin in existence, I know these majestic creatures well, and logic is definitely one of their skills, as well as pickpocketing and busking!!

Good post as always...

InsomniacMedic said...

YB - I know.
MC - doesn't need to be banned if only people would take some small amount of personal responsiblity.
RRD - Penguins? You collect penguins?? Must be pretty cold at home... :)

Oneunder said...

What is wrong with the penguin's logic?

I like it.

Anonymous said...

Tee Hee, one of the most infuriating things is being seriously out-foxed by a drunk who should by the law of averages be unconscious yet retains infallible logic.

Anonymous said...

My favourite logic is:

All dogs have 4 legs.
My cat has 4 legs.
Therefore my cat is a dog.

Oh, and by the way IM, this is me...